State School Skankcoons

Yet another brand of skankcoon, you can find these lovelies huddled around the keg at ASU, FSU, multiple SUNYs, and almost every school in southern CA. They are the State School Skankcoons. The girls are majoring in marketing and public relations. The dudes are majoring in kinesthiology or MAYBE business. They all are certified skankcoons.

The orange skin and bad extensions is omnipresent, and they can often be found throwing up “gang signs” representative of their random-ass non national fraternity/sorority. If you’re lucky enough to matriculate with one of these fine people, you’ll appreciate their hangover couture at AM classes, and idiotic comments that clearly reveal they haven’t cracked a book maybe, ever. The girls toss their hair a lot. The dudes say “bro” a lot.  You want to kill them all. Alot.

What?

They look completely natural! Right?

Skankcoons Come in All Shapes and Sizes

Not all Skankcoons are as in-your-face as the standard issue Chicago Club Skankcoon. What we have here, is the hybrid Sorority Skankcoon. They’ve got the silver jetta, the tiffany bracelet and the coach purse. They’re tanned within mere inches of their life with french manicured acrylic tips. They look at home in the country club and the mall, but make no mistake: they are STILL Skankcoons. Their boyfriends are the same as Skankcoon Men, just replace the Ed Hardy with a popped-collared polo shirt. Their motives are the same. Their social rituals are the same. And they’ll die of skin cancer, too. I dub these women, The Sororicoons.

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

One of them is a Skankcoon. A rare Canadian Skancoon, even! Check out the waxy skin and refund gap!

What is a Skankcoon?

You’ve seen them out and about. Viagra Triangle at night. Mag Mile by day. Sometimes they even mistakenly wander into The Crotch, where the hipsters look at them like they’re from another planet. They are. The planet Skankcoon.

Photographic evidence of their existence:

So, now that you’ve seen them, you can see there are a few salient characteristics:

Bad hair and/or extensions

Questionable back-alley boob jobs. Many display the “refund gap”.

Fake tan. From a bed or a bottle, orange is the way to be if you’re a skankcoon.

The entire contents of the MAC store on their face at once.

Stay Tuned…More Skankcoonery To Come!