What?

They look completely natural! Right?

Skankcoons Come in All Shapes and Sizes

Not all Skankcoons are as in-your-face as the standard issue Chicago Club Skankcoon. What we have here, is the hybrid Sorority Skankcoon. They’ve got the silver jetta, the tiffany bracelet and the coach purse. They’re tanned within mere inches of their life with french manicured acrylic tips. They look at home in the country club and the mall, but make no mistake: they are STILL Skankcoons. Their boyfriends are the same as Skankcoon Men, just replace the Ed Hardy with a popped-collared polo shirt. Their motives are the same. Their social rituals are the same. And they’ll die of skin cancer, too. I dub these women, The Sororicoons.

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

One of them is a Skankcoon. A rare Canadian Skancoon, even! Check out the waxy skin and refund gap!

What is a Skankcoon?

You’ve seen them out and about. Viagra Triangle at night. Mag Mile by day. Sometimes they even mistakenly wander into The Crotch, where the hipsters look at them like they’re from another planet. They are. The planet Skankcoon.

Photographic evidence of their existence:

So, now that you’ve seen them, you can see there are a few salient characteristics:

Bad hair and/or extensions

Questionable back-alley boob jobs. Many display the “refund gap”.

Fake tan. From a bed or a bottle, orange is the way to be if you’re a skankcoon.

The entire contents of the MAC store on their face at once.

Stay Tuned…More Skankcoonery To Come!